Resting finally, I asked God and I got strength from the most unpredictable, surely most overlooked and might I add, always-been-there-quarters. Needless to say I found the practical meaning of Koinonia.
What this birthed though was an awareness- as my thirst was being assuaged, my countenance being sharpened and my spirit fed, it occurred to me how many were in Christendom and valiantly missing it.
How many were going to make hell for looking up to one Pastor or the other? I mean no disrespect whatsoever but a truth need be told and salient questions asked? How many people were not searching scriptures themselves but were gallantly following their Pastor's words, verdicts and assumptions to only God knows where?
I left Islam for Christianity a couple of years after I prayed that prayer that simple evening in the International School of Ibadan. I had asked God, 'Show me which way You want me to serve You.' I was tired of the exchange of 'points' that seemed to fly across both religions. I wanted the truth. Not a hand me down but the truth no matter what that was. So I neither prayed in an Islamic manner nor prayed in Jesus Name.
Three years later, a couple of days before leaving ISI, I gave my life to Christ. I wish I could say I had held on to Him fast since then but heaven knows I vied vigorously for the position of most recalcitrant born again of the year -each year!
I wish I could say the journey was easy but knowing my stubborn resistance to God especially when it came to keeping ungodly relationships and staying pure, who am I to complain?
Nineteen years and I finally bit the bait. Three near death relationships among several other unedifying ones, the latter always worse than the former and I finally got it- let everyone that names the Name of Christ depart from iniquity (2nd Timothy 2:19). Many have gotten away with what has gotten me stumped so many times but for some reason, I am not, I did not and I will have it no other way.
What Christian Name will I flash and what beautitudes would I give while living a lie? I don't need to append the title, Christian to a self-entitled life. Am I perfect? Not in the natural sense of it. But some people seem to have a no-go area. I knew mine, defied it repeatedly and got burnt, badly, several times before I believed and then accepted it.
So, I got to the point where I told God, I can live a mediocre life all by myself. I don't need to come to Christianity to live below board. I don't need to be a Christian to live in sin or just coast through. If He called me truly (and I have unforgettable experiences that stand out in my memory to buttress the fact that I came face to face with Power, Beauty and Gentleness when I came to Christ.) out of Islam to Christianity, I needed something better than a Name card. I need the Real Deal. I needed to know exactly why He bothered.
Nineteen years of living how I liked (never really paying attention to God beyond the cursory, coming to Him only when I needed Him, chucking Him in the face of what I felt I needed more, even) after giving my life to Christ and I finally got to that point where I said, I couldn't continue the same way, it couldn't be business as usual.
Maybe it was the fact that I KNOW He is REAL. How can you know He is Real and still do your own thing so many times? Don't ask me. I don't have an answer to that yet, except I had to come face to face with the reality that I was headstrong, had my plans and having God was fine as long as He didn't butt too much into my plans. Well, He wouldn't so I got into enough trouble.
Funny thing though is every area I learned my lesson quickly and gave to Him panned out nicely, quickly and beautifully. Every area I didn't... Well, you get the picture.
Long story short, I have been round this mountain a lot of times- commit, backslide, repeat.
I can hear almost frequently in the last couple of days, 'What's different now?'
Well, for one, I'm tired. I want to do what I'm supposed to do, find that place where I was created for. I've seen over the last nineteen years I haven't done a good job of doing that, so I need to now.
And my number one thirst, is that people don't make the same mistakes I did- not find God for themselves, allow other people interprete the Bible for them, basically not have your nose to the grind about The One you claim to be passionate about - God.
It's funny we're talking about something as profound as eternity and few people are checking out their 'equipment' for themselves. Many are giving them to the 'professionals' to check out for them. Sad thing is, in this instance, everyone is supposed to be their own 'professional' (Philippians 2:12). Too lazy or ignorant themselves though, they just glide on this journey with equipment checked by others who probably aren't doing a good job of checking their own equipment either!
It struck me during Koinonia how close God is to His people, how ready He is to fellowship, speak and exchange (Romans 10:6-8). And it struck me how many years I had wasted running from Pillar to Post, seeking and searching, finding and playing, doing everything else but looking inside of me- where everything I needed was- is, always had been, always will be.
I am hoping no one else does this. I am hoping no one else ever will.
No comments:
Post a Comment