About two nights ago, Koinonia and we get the ' Don't get angry' Word.
Fast forward to last night and it's unsolicited attention. This morning it's a co-worker who invades my drawers and takes liberties. This evening it's a client who took liberties. I'm wondering 'Is it rain offenses day?'
Last night, Momc was there to remind me, almost in tandem with the check in my spirit, 'Don't get angry'.
I simmer down immediately.
This morning, I tell the co-worker in clear terms, 'Do not repeat it!' I might have said it calmer.
Then tiny, little, niggling things in between - unsolicited attention still reminding me they are making assumptions, me adamantly ignoring, knowing addressing that now would not be wise on my part, someone I expect to be in authority raising questions of their integrity in my mind, the running theme seeming like 'taken advantage of'- repeatedly, 'liberties' and 'crash-ins'...
Then the client... All today!
Finally I had to go separate myself in the fire exit and search my spirit.
'If you are expecting anger threats to stem from reasons that are not offensive, then you are not ready to get over it' was the word that I got, paraphrased. Basically, I wasn't getting angry for no reason. I had LEGITIMATE reasons for getting angry BUT I was going to have to get over them and not get angry or at least, not sin in getting angry.
The word Pastor O gave one time at Where Women Pray rang through - When you see there are reasons for you to get angry, know that the devil is setting you up. (Paraphrase)
And why wouldn't he. I just got a 'Dont!'
I find my peace and get back in from the exit but now it's my boss. He wants to keep me beyond closing hours for reasons I have long concluded to be disturbing, at best.
I make my excuses - I have an appointment. I do - and get excused but not without searching my spirit with a twinge of guilt and wondering, 'When am I going to arrive? When am I going to be so patient, enduring and cooperative that nothing gets to me?'
Of course, the picture of a door mat flashes through my mind with each and everything going over it but that can't be the plan of God for me, can it? His plan must be somewhere between endurance and firmness, patience and taking a stand. Right?
Did I mention that while in the emergency exit Christ said to me, that I had never had to be perfect for Him to accept me and that He would never leave me nor forsake me- He would walk with me through every stage of my life as I grow? That everyone else could abandon me, I needed no one else's acceptance but He would never abandon me?
As far as I walk in Him, let Him be formed in me, I'd be okay. He said He had already accepted me at my worst. People might not but He had. His acceptance was all I really needed. Is all I really need. He would lead me to where He had for me. In state as well as destination.
As I thought on all these amidst the turmoil I felt whilst in the emergency exit, it occurred to me, only I knew what I felt. Only I knew my struggles. I had to stop expecting people to understand or recruiting people to help me through. I didn't need these. The things I had to overcome were my victories-in-the-making. I had to stop recruiting wrong allies.
Finally, I decide I have to do a study on rebellion. With my experiences, if I didn't line up quickly and well ahead, that was a root I didn't need.
Studying it would also have to do with the word I got in my spirit on the Proverbs 31 woman, on Virtue, Patience, etc., some days ago. It would set me apace.
It'll help deal with the anger and get me better.
Who cares for a study?
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